South Beach is less focused on meeting Miss Right than Miss Tonight. It’s a fickle community of varying tastes and lifestyles since many of its residents are simply passing through on the way to something else, somewhere else. So what’s a guy (or girl) supposed to do when the Call of the Wild dictates that hooking up needs to happen right here and right now? We’re here to help…
#1 – Clevelander Pool Bar
Anyone who thinks we live in an age of temperance has never been to the Clevelander Pool Bar on a starry Saturday night. The warm neon glow and free-flowing booze provides the perfect antidote for rational behavior from tourists who are here today and gone tomorrow, and that’s why the Clevelander Pool Bar rates number one in our Hook Up Guide. – 1020 Ocean Drive, South Beach.
#2 – Purdy Lounge
To score on South Beach often requires approaching the task in a sporting manner. Figure out your best sport and attract the attention of that special someone on the field of play where your obvious skill may win them over –or at least your bumbling may lead to a pity hook-up. But at least you’l go down swinging. We suggest challenging your target to a game of pool at Purdy Lounge (1811 Purdy Avenue) or alternately, a slightly wasted game of “Name that Tune” over the juke box at Kill Your idols (222 Espanola Way). Game, Set, Match!
#3 -Bark Park at Southpointe Park
If dressing up and flashing that knock-off Rolex of yours isn’t quite cutting it in the clubs anymore, borrow a friend’s dog and head over to the Bark Park in Southpointe Park on a sunny afternoon. Getting your pretend-pup to fetch a ball thrown near (or at) a pretty girl may produce just enough excitement to get you noticed and break the ice. Both you and your decoy-dog may find yourselves on the receiving end of the booty call of the century! – 1 Washington Avenue, South Beach.
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#4 – Lincoln Road Art Walk
Seduction is an Art Form. To craft your approach and capture your subject requires deft brush strokes and a master’s eye. If all this sounds too nuanced for your twitching brain, just remember the quasi-cultured catchphrase, “I don’t know art – but I know what I like…” Now artfully muss up your hair, put on some expensive trainers and a quirky pair of eyeglasses and head to Lincoln Road on the first Saturday of any month and take the Art Walk. Tour the galleries and art studios of Art Center / South Florida while enjoying the free jug wine and cheese cubes. Stare intently at the art and wander in and out of the artist’s work spaces until you see something that might look good in your apartment. Work your bohemian look, murmur the catch phrase and ask your new friend’s point of view about the relevance of modern art. Fetch them some free wine and spend the evening sharing your love of making art and practicing your art of making love. – 800 Lincoln Road, South Beach.
#5 – Lucky Strike Lanes
There’s one spot in South Beach were everyone’s has big balls – Lucky Strike Lanes. This mod riff on a kid’s playground is strictly over 21 in the evenings and holds league play for models, singles and gay bowlers nearly every night of the week. To add to the heady atmosphere there’s a DJ spinning, full bar service at the lanes and an endless variety of finger foods to share with your new mates. Drinks are half off weekdays from 4-7pm and on Friday nights the happy hour prices extend until 9pm. Lucky Strike Lanes makes it really easy to score! – 1691 Michigan Avenue, South Beach.
#6 – Playwright (and Waxy O’Connnor’s)
Sometimes it’s that plain old Luck of the Irish that gets you to that magic hook up on South Beach. So, if like Bono and the Edge, you’ve been roaming around Where the Streets Have No Name and you Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For, get your arse into an Irish pub like the Playwright or Waxy O’Connnor’s and you’ll find the Craic in no time! South Beach pubs are all about one simple truth – whiskey and stout make the heart grow fonder. No one is ever lonely when there’s a match on the telly and another round on the bar. Pub life is social and a pub crawl from Clarke’s to Ted’s to Finnegan’s to Free Spirits nearly always nets a catch that’s too good to throw back. And as they say in Ireland, “May there be nicer legs than yours under the covers before the night is through…” – 1248 & 1265 Washington Avenue, South Beach.
#7 – On the Beach
Hooking-up is a natural progression here in South where the breezes are warm, the crowds are tan, and clothing is essentially optional. Area beaches in the 33139 are legally topless so the opportunity to check out nearly 99% of your potential partner makes our sandy shoreline one giant Friskies Buffet of Love. Best of all, the beach is free. Pack your bag with some cool drinks or a good bottle of wine and find someone thirsty. Bring a ball or a game requiring 2 players and invite someone to play with you. Respect the fine line between sexy stranger and sketchy stalker and you’re home free. And remember, a bad day at the beach is still better than a great day at the office.
#8 – Enos and Cavas Wine Bars
Über-Greek playwright Euripides wrote, “Where there is no wine there is no love.” Lucky for you eager beaver love-seekers, South Beach wine bars Enos and Cavas offer a variety of wines by the glass to sip, sample and SHARE. Brush up on your random observations about the bouquet, terrior, and tannins of a few good pours and set yourself up a personal tasting at these singles hot spots where folks who fancy themselves highly cultured are just waiting to talk shop with fellow oenophiles.
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At Cavas, the process is simple – you buy a card loaded with your drinking budget, swipe it into the high tech dispensing machines and out pours a sample of the Magical Elixir of Love. Repeat as necessary and then invite someone cute to help you muse over the mouth appeal of a few Merlots and Malbecs. Try to target someone who doesn’t know that wine tasting requires spitting out, not swallowing. – 920 Lincoln Road & 437 Espanola Way.
#9 – The Gay Scene
Do you Believe in Life after Love? The truth is, gay dating on South Beach definitely begins as a spectator sport, then progresses from there. From the hard bodies of 12th Street Beach to the sidewalk tables at Score, it’s all one big See and Be Scene! Your opportunities for hooking up simply multiply by the number of fabulous places there are to go see who’s out and about.
To that end, we give you Twist, the Palace, Mova, Buck 15, Martini Tuesdays and the Gay Bowling League, Drag Queen Bingo and the Gay Men’s Chorus. Just keep telling yourself, “If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere…” Start your love connection by logging onto SoBeSocialClub.com, Edison Farrow’s Gay Guide to Everything OUT there for Queer Eyes and Straight Guys. And please note that our Tip #9 contains it’s very own Top Ten South Beach Gay Hook-Up Spots!
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#10 – Cultural Functions
If you’ve read this far and still can’t find the perfect avenue for your romantic adventure, we suggest you embrace the many functions presented by our local cultural institutions like the Wolfsonian-FIU, the Bass Art Museum and the Miami Design Preservation League to see if you might make your way into someone’s heart–or pants. Attend some local tours and lectures or join the Wolf Pack, a young professional social group that shares cocktails, culture (and sometimes love) weeknights at the Wolfsonian Museum. – 1001 Washington Avenue, South Beach.
Happy Hunting!